This Is Akshata and this is a letter to my biggest crush, Shahid Kapoor.
I was just thirteen when I first saw him. He was smart, cute, good-looking, a great dancer, and perhaps everything that a not so popular teenage girl who went to a girls school, could dream of. Secretly I began to build all my fantasies around him and in my perfect world he belonged to me, only me.
Oh! I sound so stupid when I think of all the crazy things that I did back then. I made a scrapbook, which had all his pictures and newspaper articles, and I remember tearing it apart when I heard that he was dating Kareena Kapoor. I even tied a wish thread in Haaji Ali, Mumbai, asking God to make him my boy friend. I was so dumb, I still am, but the only difference is that I have stopped caring now.
This went on for years, none of the guys who came in my life were strong enough to defeat him cause he was the ruler of my dreams. It’s strange how someone who doesn’t even know about your existence in this world can become one of the most important galaxies of your universe.
Some time back he got married, and honestly, a tear dropped from my eye. I was devastated and yes I repeat, I know I am dumb. I unfollowed him on Facebook and Twitter. I deleted his pictures from my phone. In short, I did all the stupid things that people normally do after a break up, and in spite of all of this, I am forced to think of him daily, thanks to my dear friends who are sadistic enough to keep me updated with his marriage gossip.
It took me a little while to realize that I was not upset about him being married, I was upset because I lost the face of my fantasy.
I never even knew him to miss him or to love him. He was just a face and his character was my imagination. I gave him all the qualities that I always wanted in my man. He was my refuge from the real world, someone I could count on when I was hurt or in pain. Someone I could boast about, show off to people, and who would be my source of revenge against those who did not consider me worthy enough. I am not upset because I lost him, how can I lose someone who was never mine? I am upset because I lost all the things that I dreamed of having, I am upset because now I cannot find anyone to fit in that picture that always belonged to him.
He will always be special and flawless to me, as an integral part of my life. To be very honest, I think I am glad that I never really knew him because in a way that is what made my fantasies so perfect. I do not want to know him because a part of me knows that he is just a regular man and I do not want that bubble to burst which i so carefully crafted.
Thanks for making my dreams so amazing for so many years.
Happy Birthday Mira’s Love 🙂
P.S. You chose the right girl 🙂